The EDS Framework

On Punishment & Discipline:

Traditional discipline methods like shouting, threats, or punishment often don’t work for ADHD children because they rely on fear rather than understanding. Since the ADHD brain defaults to emotions first, the child may only learn how it felt — scared, rejected, or angry — instead of why the behaviour mattered. Over time, this doesn’t build self-regulation, it builds shame. Discipline that connects first with emotions — calm tone, empathy, validation — and then moves to logic creates the space for the child to learn, grow, and feel safe enough to try again.

On ADHD Mums Living Through Emotions:

For ADHD mums, the same emotional default wiring can make daily life heavier. If you’ve grown up relying on emotions to navigate decisions, you may find yourself reacting from guilt, overwhelm, or frustration before your logical brain has had the chance to step in. This constant emotional “first response” can feel exhausting, especially when parenting a child with the same pattern. Understanding EDS helps mums see that this isn’t a flaw — it’s wiring. By learning to pause, notice the emotion, and slowly bring logic back into the process, ADHD mums can reduce shame, model resilience, and start reshaping their own defaults alongside their child.

What it is EDS - Emotional Default System?

The Emotional Default System (EDS) is my original framework that connects science with real-life parenting. In ADHD brains, decisions are often made from stored emotional memories rather than from logical thinking. Over time, the brain falls back on these emotional defaults — past experiences, reactions, and feelings — instead of waiting for the rational brain to step in. This means actions can feel immediate and overwhelming, rather than calm, clear, and thought-through. It can also make it harder for the logical brain to step in.

Where did it come from?

The EDS framework grew from my own lived experience as an ADHD mum. I noticed that so many of my decisions were driven by how I felt in the moment, often misplaced or misjudged. Then, watching the same automatic, emotion-driven reactions in my children made me realise there was a bigger pattern.

From there, I combined what I saw at home with years of study, courses, qualifications, and the research of leading scientists. Slowly, the evidence came together — confirming that ADHD brains really do rely on emotional defaults when rational thinking hasn’t fully developed or can’t step in fast enough.

Why this matters: It shows parents that what feels like “bad behaviour” isn’t failure — it’s wiring. Once you see this, you can respond with calm and connection instead of shame or guilt.

Science behind it

The amygdala (our emotional brain) is almost fully developed at birth. This is why babies can sense and mirror feelings — for example, crying when they hear another baby cry. Emotions are our first language.

But in ADHD brains, the prefrontal cortex (PFC) — the part that handles logic, planning, and rational thinking — develops later and works more slowly. Research shows that at age 10, an ADHD child’s PFC may be only around 30% developed.

This means that while growing up, the ADHD brain is mostly answering two emotional questions:

Will this hurt me?
Do I like it?

(As Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., explains in Emotional Intelligence).

Over time, children repeat this emotional decision-making loop again and again. Those experiences get “banked” as default memories. Later, when they become adults, these defaults are still there — shaping decisions through emotional reaction instead of calm rational thought. That’s why emotional dysregulation shows up so strongly in ADHD — the PFC is slower to step in, and logic is often left behind.

Why this matters: It reframes behaviour not as laziness or lack of willpower, but as the brain working with the tools it has at the time. Once we understand this, we can start to build new defaults with intentional support.

Why it works

ADHD brains need clarity before they can act — things have to feel right as well as make sense. Understanding why decisions are made emotionally helps both parent and child.

Children learn by observing, and ADHD children especially learn by feeling. If parents model awareness — connecting first with their child’s emotional brain and then guiding toward logic — the child absorbs that balance. Parents are also practicing their own rational skills as they go, leading by example naturally, not forcefully.

This framework works because it:

Makes sense of “irrational” behaviours — showing they’re brain-based, not character flaws.
Takes away blame — it’s wiring, not willpower.
Helps parents pause before reacting — shifting from frustration to curiosity.
Builds a bridge between the parent’s logic and the child’s emotions.

In short, it gives families a common language for what’s happening inside the ADHD brain — and that understanding is the foundation for change.

What to do

Start with yourself. Get to know your own ADHD brain. Most of your decisions are led by feelings and emotions, often before logic can catch up. Begin small: notice how you react in everyday situations. What did you feel first? Did that feeling drive your action, or did you pause to think before responding? Reflecting like this helps you spot your own emotional “defaults” — and gives you the chance to reframe them, so you can engage your logical brain more often.

Observe your child. Watch how they react, without judgment. ADHD children use emotions as their main decision-making tool, so their behaviour is often just an attempt to act on what they feel. By recognising this, you can slow down your own emotional process, stay calm, and guide them more effectively.

Practice emotional intelligence. Naming feelings and using calming strategies might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s powerful. Labelling emotions helps put space between a feeling and a decision. Parents can model logical thinking while also validating emotions — showing kids that both matter.

Let connection lead the way. When you practice this daily, parenting doesn’t feel like following instructions or strict programmes. Instead, you naturally teach your child how to live with ADHD — through the way you respond, the way you model, and the way you connect.

What I am providing

Through the Mindful Mama Collective, I give you more than advice — I give you tools, support, and a framework that actually makes sense for ADHD mums and children. Everything is built around the EDS (Emotional Default System) framework, evidence-based science, and lived ADHD experience.

You’ll receive:

Videos & Guides — breaking down ADHD struggles in simple, real-life terms (so you can understand the “why” before the “what to do”).
Practical Tools — worksheets, planners, and resources for daily life (finance, relationships, study, parenting, hormones).
Emotional Intelligence Training — helping both you and your child learn to recognise and manage emotions instead of letting them control decisions.
Step-by-Step Support — weekly planning videos, monthly live Q&As, and ongoing community connection so you’re never left alone with the information.
Personalised Growth — space to apply strategies to your own family, instead of cookie-cutter advice that doesn’t fit ADHD wiring.

In short: I provide the knowledge, tools, and ongoing support to help you rewire emotional defaults, strengthen executive functioning, and build calmer, more connected family life.