How to Teach an ADHD Child Empathy (When Logic Doesn’t Work)

If your child has ADHD, you probably already know that saying “Stop, that’s not appropriate” rarely works. ADHD brains don’t process logic in the way we expect, especially in the heat of the moment. To your child, those words can feel empty; there’s no emotional connection. And if they don’t feel it, it won’t matter.

So what do you do when your child is unkind, lashes out, or even becomes abusive toward siblings or friends?

Logic Doesn’t Teach Empathy

ADHD is associated with delays in executive function—the part of the brain responsible for logic, problem-solving, and self-regulation. While those skills may lag, the emotional part of the brain has been active since birth.

This means that ADHD children often struggle with inhibition and self-awareness. They may act before they think, and simply saying “don’t do that” doesn’t land. It doesn’t teach them why their behaviour matters; it just tells them they’re in trouble.

Why Emotions Work Better

The ADHD brain learns best through emotions. When you step in and connect emotionally, you give your child a chance to build empathy. Instead of simply correcting them, help them visualise the impact:

• Ask: “Would you like it if this happened to you?”

• Walk them through what it would feel like, the hurt, the frustration, the sadness.

• Label the emotions clearly: “That would feel upsetting, wouldn’t it?”

  
  

This isn’t about guilt-tripping. It’s about building perception and connecting their behaviour to real feelings. It is important that you don't use the other child for example, 'what would it feel like if X did this back to you?' This can create a hostile feeling in your child as they now visualise the other child hurting them.

Helping your child visualise themselves being on the receiving end of a confrontation can improve their interaction over time. It isn't a quick fix; however, repeated practice will create pathways where your child will start thinking before they act.

Building Emotional Intelligence in ADHD Children

When you take this approach, you’re actually teaching emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the foundation of self-awareness, impulsivity, and empathy, two executive function skills that the ADHD brain has yet to develop fully. Over time, this process helps children learn to pause, reflect, and eventually regulate their behaviour themselves.

It’s About Connection, Not Control

The next time your child lashes out, remember: you can’t logic them into empathy. But you can walk them through the emotions, so they start to connect actions with feelings. This not only helps in the moment, but builds resilience and empathy for the future.

And if you want to learn how to do this every day without overwhelm, that’s exactly what we focus on inside the MindfulMama Collective — practical strategies that work with the ADHD brain, not against it.

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