"You Don’t Need to Be a Better Parent — You Need to Understand ADHD"

As an ADHD mum, you’ve probably been told again and again that what you need are better parenting strategies, stricter routines, or tougher discipline systems.

But here’s the truth: you’re already a good parent.

What you actually need is a deeper understanding of ADHD itself.

The problem is, the first thing many professional services hand you is a “parenting class.” And what does that tell you? That you’re the problem. That if only you “parented better,” everything would fall into place. It’s no wonder so many of us walk away feeling blamed, judged, and broken — when in reality, the issue isn’t you.

Why parenting advice often fails.

Parenting advice and coaching often miss the mark for ADHD mums. Why? Because they usually focus on one behaviour at a time. You might get strategies to handle one situation, but when the next challenge shows up, those same strategies often don’t work. It’s like patching one leak in a boat that has ten more.

On top of that, these approaches rarely account for the fact that you, the parent, might also have ADHD. That means being handed a long list of “do this, then this” can quickly turn into overload. When the steps feel impossible to follow — or don’t work in real life — the message you take away is: I’m failing.

Another issue? Many coaches and courses don’t dive into the real science of ADHD. Sometimes advice is based only on personal experience — which, while valid, doesn’t always apply to you. ADHD wiring is unique to every brain, so “one size fits all” advice just doesn’t cut it.

And finally, let’s be honest: it’s expensive. Parenting courses and coaching often come with a hefty price tag, yet deliver very little practical knowledge you can actually use day to day.

Why Understanding ADHD Changes Everything

When you truly understand what ADHD is, you gain the rationale behind behaviour. Instead of reacting in the moment, you can pause, step back, and evaluate what’s really happening. ADHD brains need the why — and so do ADHD parents.

Here’s the thing: we don’t just control our brains. Our brains control us. Every action starts with how our senses take in the world, how that information is processed, and how we respond to it. For people with ADHD, this isn’t simply about willpower or conscious choice. It’s about wiring.

ADHD brains develop differently from an early stage in the nervous system. That difference creates real challenges in attention, regulation, and response. When you see this, it stops being about “bad behaviour” or “poor parenting.” It becomes about understanding how the brain is working — and finding strategies that respect that wiring.

Here are three steps that you can take to start to understand ADHD.

• Learn from experts, not TikTok trends. Dr Russel Barclay would be a good start. Learn of what ADHD is and how it can appear.

• Observe yourself and your child in stressful moments, looking for patterns. This enables you to disperse the behaviours before they begin.

• Communicate — share insights with partners, grandparents, and schools so everyone is on the same page. It is extremely hard to support an ADHD child when the reasons for your boundaries are blurred, as others make changes without you.

Much of the time, ADHD mums are at the end of their tether and will accept anything from professional services — even if it makes them feel like they’re in the wrong. Here’s the truth: there is nothing wrong with you, ADHD mum. You don’t need to be more perfect. What you need are tools and knowledge that fit your brain — and your child’s brain.

Until next time,

Tanya